Facebook Writing Therapy Session
8:00 PM Wednesday, June 22, 2016, Mountain Time (MT): I am in need of a solid writing therapy session before my day gets even worse, raw, brazen, uncut, here it goes: No new passions, no new thoughts, no new talents, just regression. The reality isn't the way I wish things to be nor the way they appear to be, but the way they are. I was awarded an NSR Book Of The Week award by The Library Herald, with Blue Ink, Foreword Magazine and featured on No Shelf Required with the help of my literary agent. My car came back from the shop with a broken seat, a broken glove box, shit for brakes, and a busted tripod for my dashboard camera. Fuck BMW and don't ask me why but fuck my father for taking away all of my life rights, my liberty, my fucking money, and my life. It is so hard to shake off today. I slept 24 fucking hours. At least I got to sleep, but I woke up and started punching things, screaming at the dogs, and driving like a drunk, and just so, so so, fucking angry. I have just been reposting the same shit Jonathan posts for days now. My latest book, a real piece of crap, Fragmentation, even I can't make sense of it as its author. It came out today, published by Babydude Press, and with all this good news, my car fixed (the clutch was out, prior) and all this good stuff, I am simply unable to see through it. Chantal, I know you miss my videos, but I just haven’t been up to them. Besides, I saw the stats; half of you, about 2,500 of the 5,000 following this page are from Turkey, what the fuck is that? Only half my audience is American (or speak English). I am symptomatic. I also have taken a break from seeing doctors because all they do is remind me of how fucking sick I am with this schizophrenia bullshit. I am sorry. I give in. Leave the page I not only don’t care, but I also want you to. I want, fuck, I don't know what I want, peace of mind. Fuck, today has been shit, and I know it is like Jonathan get over it! But, I blame my father for all of this. Go right ahead and keep sending in your hate comments, on Twitter and here on Facebook. I received enough today, just two, but fuck it, fuck it--fuck it. I am angry! I plan to use Facebook to get over this ASAP because I don’t give a shit about anything at all right now and yet I want to give a fuck. I feel stuck. I have no idea why. Maybe this is just living another day with schizophrenia, perhaps just a little more symptomatic. I mean right now I am more confused than a mood ring on a paranoid, bipolar, schizophrenic, chameleon, in a bag of skittles as the saying goes. I am so very sorry, and I mean that.
Comment on Facebook:
Be angry, we have to keep it all in and then it all comes out, if it didn't we would burst. I'm fed up and upset when my feelings are invalidated and used against me. I don't know how but I’m going to change things. I think it's excellent you received these writing awards and recognition but real rubbish your car would come back from the shop in that state. It's hard with family, many have been silenced for daring to question or challenge.