Good morning everyone. Hello to all my friends around the world! Have a magnificent day! Just do your best in all you do, even if you fall short!
No matter how you feel get up dress up and show up and never give up.
When I can, though all the good and bad times, through thick and thin, I want to inspire people. I want someone to look at me or think of me and say "Because of you, I did not give up..." I don't give up!
If your big dream scares the shit out of you, you're really onto something. In fact, it's your crystal ball answer to the question of "should I do this?" Live a kick ass life. You deserve it!
Living with schizophrenia and therefore with a brain that doesn't work from time to time my life can become difficult, but I keep moving ahead, as always, knowing I am a good person and that I am worth it.
Just breathe... in every moment we begin again.
Considering I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, PTSD, borderline personality disorder, Tourette’s syndrome, diabetes, anxiety and depression, a rare blood disease, dyslexia, and cancer, I am doing okay. At the end of the storm, there's always a golden sky.
We have to fight some bad days to earn the best days of our lives.
If you or a loved one has schizophrenia do not let it have you fight your fucking hardest and give it your all and everything to fight the war with your own mind and never ever give up doing your damnedest to live the life that you want to live no matter what again do you not ever fucking give up no matter what your mental health diagnosis is or whether you are just dealing with the fucked up mess of life. In the meantime if you are having a good day you better fucking appreciate it because those are extremely rare for people like me diagnosed with severe mental and terminal physical illness. PS the door here is always open for you to come and go as you please just do not as they say block the doorway and take up space. Love me or hate me. That's up to you. Believe in yourself and always keep the hope and faith alive no matter what!
Schizophrenia is a complex illness. Mental health experts are not sure what causes it. Genes may play a role.
Never give up! Keep on fighting. Don't let your demons beat you.
I will have 13 years drugs and alcohol-free on Friday. I will have one month (30 days) off cigarettes on Saturday. My 40th birthday is on Sunday. Aside from that my apologies for bringing up something or anything uninspiring but I have to vent for a second. One of my bank accounts and my PayPal accounts compromised three days ago. I have no help. I don't want help, feeling ignored by everyone in my real and personal life as the scapegoat. I have done all l am able. Lost $6,000 so far. It brings up severe PTSD symptoms. I feel stuck. It is complicated because the account isn’t under my name. Again, as anything with me and my mental illnesses are, “it’s complicated,” my doctor proclaims. Where is my wife? My life? My mind? Schizophrenic. Where is my family? For crying out loud, and so I locked myself in my office again for the day, cancelling all appointments. I don't like days like this. But they all pass. ?
Welcome everybody, to Wonderland, effing Wonderland at times. I am feeling a bit better and stronger now. Following is some writing therapy I did earlier today, unedited. I feel so indebted to all of you, even to those who leave this Facebook page. Many of you have written suggesting that I may perhaps appear to be exhausted and in need of relaxation rest and some time off. I plan on doing so whether or not I end up succeeding in taking time off to face the universe, literally, and devastatingly alone. I look into the mirror every day lately, and I see a complete sleepless and lost stranger in myself, and others in my "real" inter-personal life and conventionally accepted life itself. I've been battling severe comorbid schizophrenia and related psychotic and dissociative mental health conditions for most of my life now as well as otherwise "normal" life issues and so forth. I feel that it might be time for me to submit perhaps surrender and allow my mental and physical health conditions to take over my life experiences, permitting me to live a great deal more if not fully in my otherwise delusional and hallucinatory landscape in the world where I am most familiar and comfortable. Thank you for understanding, if you do. Overall, I am exhausted and need some time off. Thank you, everybody, I feel much better having written out these feelings, otherwise feeling abandoned in the overall enterprise at the same time neglected and abused controlled cornered trapped and stuck. Need time to think and work on some art projects. Want to get cut off from the world. Just want to be alone for a bit. This morning I have an important medical appointment for some blood conditions I endured over the last couple years but still surviving, I'd rather not go into detail about it. It's just scary. I am trying to hold onto the saying that most things we worry about don't happen, in other words, to hear bad news. I've done all I can since the last doctor's visit for the problem. I'll just say that it is potentially life threatening. But... I will end it there. It's just a bit scary, so I am cutting up some random and old film stock here in my production office for the time being to bring back memories from when I began shooting film on Super 8 and some early video, documenting my life. Feels nostalgic to see some of the footage after 20, 30 years. Sometimes I just miss certain parts of times past. But I'll be around. Just so happy I went in and on my own, for the first time in public otherwise overwhelmed by all the people and lights at the Apple Store to finally get my main computer fixed after months and months using an iPhone as my desktop. It's a strange experience knowing I have a likelihood of 5 or so years left to live. Makes you think, and cry. But I look at the world in a whole different way, just in case, you know? But I am not upset about it. I don't know quite why. I invited my father out to visit the other day, as well. We've been estranged since 2010. I am also giving away some of my expensive gadgets and things, like my top of the line 3D TV, to some of the staff here on my compound. I don't need them. I like them, but I've worked hard this year and actually made enough money on my own, and not even as much from book sales, and film and TV checks from my film distributor, but from Wall Street, my primary career, technically as a hedge fund manager, like my father, just on a smaller scale, of course. I don’t know. I feel like all I am doing is making up things to get sympathy. I do not like that about myself, not one bit. Sometimes you have to be your own hero. Schizophrenia is a devastating illness that affects approximately 1% of the population. Its primary impact is on thought, and its cardinal symptom is psychotic thinking in affecting individuals. Besides, however, it can affect many aspects of cortical function. Although great strides have occurred in treating this disorder, it remains one of the most debilitating of psychiatric disorders. And here I am, living with a terminal illness as I am diagnosed with something new every year, for the past 40 years, from birth; I was a still born. I feel like Stephen Hawking smile emoticon Surviving schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, PTSD, borderline personality disorder, Tourette's syndrome, diabetes, anxiety and depression, a rare blood disease, dyslexia, and cancer…. I will be following up with an MRI for a cyst in the pituitary gland in my brain. I am a survivor. I am my own hero. I have lived this long and as I am with achievement and failure all the while in an overarching cognitive decline. Losing my mind, with schizophrenia is difficult, but losing awareness makes it wiser I must admit. If you know somebody, please pick up the phone and call him or her, or sent a text message and just see how they are without any expectations or attempt to fix him or her. Trust me it may make a difference no matter how it goes, and it might not even seem as such, but it might make a huge difference. I speak from experience. I wish I could write more, but my fingers cramped from the side effects of all the antipsychotic medication. It began in 1988. I was 12. 80mg Haldol. My life changed ever since. This is life. This is my life. Right now. It's my perspective. The only perspective I know, real or unreal. The 6 knock-out vitamins, 2 per hour helped me sleep longer and the Rockstars, despite my blood condition and it being affected by excess of liquids and then the diabetes insipidus, and so forth, I am just doing what I want to do, I mean I can't even have more than glass of water a day or else I end up back again in the emergency room, it's a silly disease, real, yes, but worth the diet of basically no liquids? No. Not now. One thing at a time, and my hands and fingers, my limbs are so tense and cramped from the Thorazine I am on; it is hard but I always, always come through to the light. My own work is all helping as well, the liquids, sipping them as I have been since 6:30 AM, and so forth as I said, I am just having some trouble sequencing my thoughts; putting a hold on my next novel until I can shy away from the avant-garde heavy duty, or difficult reading… Blah. Blip, Bam, and boom. Can I kick it? Yes, sure I can, I am kicking butt. As far as the Pay Pal and Wells Fargo matter? I have decided to close the account at WF today, at the branch, just down the street, I'll walk. It's fine. No one is here, to help, again, Jonathan is the "billionaire schizophrenic," bull. Sociopaths run my life. That is my perspective, my point of view. It is real to me. I don't need paychecks from Peconic Partners, my father's firm, nor from my art and moreover my bestselling books. My father controls my other trust accounts in any case. I don't know. Blah… The cognitive decline is not funny and my father in January? Another misunderstanding, now he said he is NOT coming out BECAUSE I asked him not to when I said DO come out, That is schizophrenia. In any event, I feel estranged from my wife. But as I began this I am feeling better and stronger now. Maybe I will take a shower soon. I am trying to drain my Wells Fargo account so that the Pay Pal hacker will not be able to pay for the thing she is. P.S. I own quite a bit of Pay Pal stock on Wall Street. I am selling all of it today, I laugh at my love for the company itself, or their common stock, as an investment, but I've never trusted Pay Pal nor eBay, and I have never used either in my life.
Success in life comes when you refuse to give up, with goals so strong that obstacles, failure and loss only act as motivation.
While one depressed person may experience feelings of sadness. I had a lot to give to this world especially when I was feeling great, and always hoped and prayed that one morning I could wake up, and all of the distress would be over, but was too hard, for too long. I can't do it. And so, I am sad to report that I have slept on this several times, and I have given up at last. I have lost all hope.
Life is hard. Healing hurts. Moving forward is terrifying for many people.
Have a good day. You are amazing. Remember that. If you have the power to make someone happy, please do it. The world needs more of that.