I Am Not A Motivational Speaker by Jonathan Harnisch
Writing Therapy from September 2015: [previously unpublished... until I felt better]. It is interesting for me to look back at these written accounts of the bouts I have with myself and with schizophrenia. Also, how I seem to always get through them. To me, that shows resilience. I am proud of that. A positive written word on kindness follows, called, Thoughts on Kindness.
“I am not a motivational speaker. That is not my job. Please understand. I am a deeply troubled and disturbed person. I only write when sleeping, deprived or symptomatic. I never get writer's block. I never get sleep. I-I-I… Me. Me. Me…I write and publish what I want and what I feel, no matter what mood or state of mind I am in, but I always do my best to keep things positive. I miss the mark frequently. I love those who speak from their core, truth, whatever it is they feel, expressing every last feeling. I want to thank everyone who continues to stick around with me online. I have no friends in real life and no family. I engage in deep philosophical conversations with store clerks, where turnaround is quick. I see them once or twice at the Quick Fix on Maple Street and then, never again. I am a wandering, wondering prophet of sorts. I am an oddball, a weirdo, eccentric, and intricate, a lyrically minded creation. A nutcase. I feel my best, writing out my shame, my narcissism, and my delinquency… my insanity. My delusion. My life. I built something, and they came. No, I get to the core. I lose. I am mad. I am real. I am real-deal. Shameless and raw, brazen and careless. Genius. My moods change frequently, and I am currently and don't know how I feel. I settle for nothing less than the bitter and savagely violent, brutal truth. Beyond that, there I am… nothing. There is nothing. I look in the mirror and see a complete stranger. I apologize for my exuberance, no wait, I don't apologize for going blotto yesterday, for my exuberance., I revel in it. I encourage you to take what you want and leave the rest. Considering my being diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and so forth, blah, a rare blood disease, dyslexia, and cancer, I am doing okay. I keep the hope and move forward, always.”
— Jonathan Harnisch